fuck...the word for today, and almost every other day is fuck..dont u h8 it wen u delete the wrong picture?...i feel like choking myself now over a fucking picture..haha..fucky fuck fuck...dont follow my example lil kids..haha

just to make things clear to the people who misunderstand everything i wrote here, im happy with geri. sure things may have seemed easier and shit before when we weren't together, but ther'd have been somethin missing. if i had never asked her to be mine, i wouldve never knew what was incomplete from me. and know that i know what i was missing, i cant let it go. i cant just take it for granted. it'd be a waste of a totally incredible relationship...yeah its incredible, no matter how fucked up my blog makes it seem...so piss of...i hope this explains something..i wanted to write a longer entry but im really tired right now..so, ciao..

i hate seeing her cry.. i hate hearing her cry.. we live so fuckin far from each other that we hardly get to see each other.. and when a serious problem comes along i'd call her.. first, silence..then i say softly "geri? ...geri...geri please talk to me..." then i have to w8 a while wich sux cuz i always seem to be the one making the phone bill go so high..goin back to the topic.. she starts to talk really softly.then she sobs..w8..i think that was only like one time i think..bt anyway i jus h8 it..hearing the one u love sob like she's dying and you know it's your fault.. you cant stand the guilt of the matter and start tearing yourself..fuckd up aint it?...its all my fault tho..s2pid me..hehe

shit's happend..and i did it again.. i opened up my stupid mouth and let out beehive of words that would cause a girl to stay up all night crying.. God im a fuckin idiot.. i need to learn when to keep my mouth shut.. thers something wrong with me.. its like a part of me wanted to break up with her.. that part of me didnt wana be treated the way she treats me anymore.. she ignores me.. she leaves me when there's other people around.. i forgot what the other thing was about her that i ddnt like, but anyway, i think a part of me just didnt want to be treated that way by her anymore..bsides i ddnt even think she deserved me.. and for some strange reason, i though it best to tell her that a part of me wanted to break up with her.. fucker. how could i have been so stupid.. maybe i thought that it'd be better that she'd hear it from me instead of from someone else.. i made her cry....again.. she thought i was really gona break up with her.. what kind of boyfriend am i? she certainly doesnt need another boyfriend that just makes her cry..... yet she sees something in me..i still dont really know what the fuck it is about me...but she wants me..she wants to stay with me.. she wants us to last until we're like old and cant remember what highschool we went to or where our car keys are..i kinda want that too.. i think we're alright now..i talkd to her explaining that im not breaking up with her..i hope things are patched up for now.. this sux cuz when we werent together we'd never fight and now its like we cant go a week without fighting..and we practically end each day pissing each other off or something... are these just tests or something to help strenghtn our relationship? i love her..and if im gona have to live thru these fucked up tests ill do it to be with her..ill do a million of those tests and pass them so i can make her happy.. ...i just want things to be better for both of us..

oya now i know what i can write...i went skating with geri..w8 did i write this yet?..anyway.i went skating with her..me and our friend taught her how to skate...then i got to dance woth her in the middle of the rink..yehey..i wish times were like before..when we dint fight as much...we were just happy to be in the same place together and had the most fun of our lives just bein ourselves and goofin off and junk..i really hope things work out...i love her..and thats enough of a reason to try and fix things..

one day i'll make a really good blog entry..something really meaningfull..just not today...*sigh*

sometimes i feel like the worst boyfriend..im always late..always broke..i make her cry...i got her to even hate me once...for some reason though she's still here..i spoze thats wat love is....you stay no matter what..you stay at their birthday party even if no one will talk to you and you'll be ignored and left to swim alone in one corner of the pool...you hunt in your room for spare change to commute your lazy ass over an hour to get where she is....you run as fast as you can to her even if you're athsmatic and are suffucating by the time you reach her...you do anything you them because you love them...i made her w8 again..i made her cry again(i think)...i made her mad at me again...then i made it up to her again..love is a vicious cycle.....vicious and addicting...it feels like heaven and it hurts like hell...and this blog couldnt be anymore pointless..ive bin on the pc too long..bye