enter the mind of the bunny

ditching school

2007-01-25T05:43:00.000+08:00

im not in school today...ther's this eat all u can thing at greenwich
from 11-2..haha..but thats not the only reason im absent..i gota fix
shit for college..i wana go back in time and slap myself for all the
s2pid things ive done..and id make myself save money so trying to pay
for college would be easier...rawr..ddnt thing stuff wud be this
hard..you dont think about this shit when your a kid..my bigest problem
before was just "when's the next time im gona eat?"...i rli wana go to
cebu..idno if its to be with ym friends or to go to that school or
both..idno...s2pid....money seems to be the missing ingredient for
everything...i could save the world with money..i cud feed a nation
with money..i cud pay doctors and researchers to work the fuck faster
to find a cure for aids if i had money...i cud get married and have
kids if i had money..im not complainng tho..so stop thinkin i am
jose..and geri..im just writing shit down cuz im bored and not in
school..and someone..ehem..isnt txtn me..bye

to those who talk shit about what i do and how i do it..

2007-01-22T16:43:00.000+08:00

i wrote this in the morning at school cuz i got bored..but i mean it..im kda rushng to type this

i hate it when people compare their relationships to mine, especially
when they dont look at their own relationships before criticizing
someone else's.. they think that their relationship is more perfect and
that everyone else's should be patterend after theirs.. they cant
accept the differences of others so the put others down to lift
themselves up and give them the feeling of total control of the other
person.. we'll every relationship is different.. each one is unique,
just as each person is unique.. if all relationships were exactly the
same, we would never find that one person that we were meant to be with
because every person would be exactly the same.. we would be better off
pairing ourselves up with rocks and dirt.. ther's more variety in that
than a whole world of people who are exactly the same...

so shut up and leave me alone...

hoorah

2007-01-21T11:57:00.000+08:00

i wasnt feelng that great thursday night and i wasnt planning to go to
school..but i went anyway cuz i ddnt wana miss the class picture..oh
shit i forgot to giv me baby pics..annyyywaaay..so i just went for the
class pic then left after devotions..then i went to palms and slept for
like 2 r 3 hours..then when i woke up i went to brother's burger..then
go nuts..then bf and did nothing...then back to school to pick up the
carpool....when i was at school my friends suprised me (not my
classm8s)..i really wasnt expectn it=) they planned it wit my parents
nd shit...thanx guys..uh.....i went to geri's hous yesterday cuz we wer
gna go to the ac fair, which btw was prety lame and money-sucking...and
my "i wish you were beer!!" shirt was "offensive"...fuck u..your face
is offensive..s2pd ac people..haha..(not u luiza and marz and my other
friends ther)...and luiza gt mad at me..grr...dnt wna rmeber that..oh
geri was throwing a fit n the car..knda cute..and scary...and
annoying..and irritating all at the same time..i suprise myself with
how patient i can be with her..haha..crashed at bea's after..gab was
ther..we slept at like 2..i slept on my chest on the floor nd i felt
like crap in the morning..then we comuted to church and ddnt pay cuz
the driver was s2pid..and..uh....m bored now...my go wit my friend to
watch her get her belly button pierced....ill stop writing now..cya

happy birthday to me...

2007-01-16T15:15:00.000+08:00

it's my birthday today..it was kinda s2pid..who cares..yuk im 17....i
dnt wana grow up.. i might be goin to college in cebu.. geri doenst
like the idea.. i dont really mind.. i mean i mind that she doesnt like
it but i dont mind goin to cebu.. hmm..i dont have much to blog about..
something weird happend.. i left my wallet and my money at home.. when
i got to school, ger gave me my birthday gift....a wallet with 100pesos
in it..damn..haha ..howd that happen..i gta go now..ill think of
something better to write..bbye

hi! this is bekah posting something that pen sent me and he cant do it himself cuz his multiply is messed up where he is!! Whot tha heyll! this is fun :b

2007-01-15T15:13:00.000+08:00

stupid internet..it took so long to load the blog...i even had to ask my friend to upload this (that's you bekz!!) ..anyway... it really is my fault i huh.. dammit.. my friends hate my (ex)girlfriend and it's my fault.. if i had a problem with her before, i would bitch about it to my friends, and it gave the a bad impression of her.. and my friends think im crazy for still wanting her.. u guys say you love me and you're trying to protect me, but the shit u say abt her just cuts through me.. so what if im crazy for sayng this.. look at your lives first befor sayn stuff abt mine.. look at your relationships before sayng shit about the one that i had.. the one i seemed to complain alot abt but deep inside, was happy with.. im sori geri.. im sori my friends ha....dislike you..yeah maybe hate is too strong a word.. my s2pid mouth always gets me in trouble.. i need to learn to control it.. uhh.. i dont tell my friends enough of the good that you've done me.. i just keep telling them the bad.. dammit.. what's wrong with me.. and why cant i get over you.. why cant i just leave this all behind and move.. why does it creep up onto me more than too often.. why do i feel like i cant live without you.. shit.. to my friends: if you love someone as much as me maybe you'd understand.. im not making sense to myself anymore..haha.. im sori geri.....fook.. i can hear my friends reading this "you stupid asshole..get over her..we dont like her for u..blah blah blah"..shut the fuck up..its my life not yours..thank you for helping, but can u please stop..just on this subject.... complain abt other stuff i do if you want, but please stop it abt me and her.....we just end up fighting..uhh..ther..i hope i made my point..and if y'all r gna h8 me now cuz of this, so be it....oh and ger, jay doesnt hate you or dislike you anymore..

maybe i shud put flowers in my shoes...or a pool of lysol

2006-12-11T14:18:00.000+08:00

what is it that makes us wana hold on a lil longer even though it'll bring us pain to do so? what is it that keeps telling us that's its love that'll keep us through...why do we become crazy and hooked and think that everyone around us is wrong about you..love makes us stupid and blinds us to reality..but who gives a damn..i love the feeling....no one loves the pain (sept maybe emo kids) but i know deep down we all love the feeling of being loved.even if its a temporary thing..i feel like this is gettng stupid now.hehe..

partially, slightly, zoreenishly random

2006-12-06T14:10:00.000+08:00

the events of my life now come totaly randomly..like me wanting to tel you that my feet stink from being stuck in my shoes the whole day...shes confusing..i think shes mad at me now....whenevr shes mad at me i hardly know why..whats up wt us now?i dont even know...she cut hersef the other day and said it was cuz of me..and she was showing everyone and telln them it was my fault...idno if that was to get attention or what..but she promised me she wont do it again...m afraid she still might tho..i h8 her emo-ness..alot of people do..and she needs to grow up..i dont wana be with her now if it'll hinder her from growing as a maturing 15-year-old should...i always wanted someone older..cuz theyd be more prepared and shit..but i end up getn girls younger than me..im not sayng its a bad thing tho...i wana help her..i want her to be able to find the brightside of everything..she told me that ther hasnt been a day in her life where she'd been hapy the whole day..she finds something wrong wit like everything before looking at the whole picture..she judges too quickly..dammit why am i writing this...grr..i just need to let this out..and it doesnt feel like its coming out right...owel...ill write again when im more sober..bye

they said i seedd a tittle...wel fuck them...haha

2006-12-04T13:30:00.000+08:00

m spozd to write sumn but someone is here...soo........bye

2006-10-18T17:07:00.000+08:00

whee..i got my blog back..but for some reason the multiply blogs arent goin here...i dont have much to write...just go to my multiply

lalala

2006-09-08T21:52:00.000+08:00

wow..i actually found time to make a blog entry sorta worth blogging..im listening to this song now and its making the gears in my brain turn like crazy...why is God like he is?...why did he make people different?..why does our life feel so fucked up sometime and we blame God for every "bad" thing that crosses our paths? why didnt he just make everyone perfect? what wouldve been the harm in that?..blah...dammit my nose is clogged...

blablabla...so much for the blog worth blogging...my mind is off in places....never where they should be...sometimes smiling kills..sux....like when she asks me something and i cant talk to her seriously cuz its so fuckn hard for me to keep a straight face around her..so then she thinks im lying..but shes kinda used to it now

i wish..shit what was that i was wishing for? i dont really wish that much of a change in her..i just wish we understood each other more..i think that's the main reason why people break up...misunderstanding..miscommunication..lack of communication...things that can be solved by setting aside a few (maybe more) precious moments just for them for u to get to know each other more...you cant possibly know EVERYTHING about them..ther can always be something new to find out about them..i really wish we understood each other more...alot more...

uhh...so yeah...i gta finish stuff...l8r..ill try to set aside a time wer ill do nothing but blog so it wont seem weird..hehe..

goodbye, steve...

2006-09-05T18:09:00.000+08:00

we thought he was superman...we thought nothing could kill him....we
were wrong..we never expected him to leave us like this...but he died
doing what he loved...i wanted to be a croc hunter just like
him..hehe....i still do sorta....

goodbye steve irwin....we'll really miss you......

crickey..

outlet

2006-08-23T17:30:00.000+08:00

i just need to let stuff out...haay.....wel....uh..i wrote her a
letter..i worte it like at 1 in the morning and idno if she even liked
it or anything cuz she ddnt say anything about it...uh..i had bacon and
cheese for midnight snack, breakfast, and lunch...i saw kheyt and kheem
today at the mall..i wuv my sisters..hehe..they just came back from
china for their ice sk8n thing...kheem looks thinner and kheyt looks
fatter..haha...im still really pissed...hmm...got to tok to chris..he
said he likes me and geri beter than _____ and _______ cuz we're not
together wherever we are..were not parasites of each other or watever u
cn describe it as..but i wish we were like that once in a while....when
she comes to school, she's more exited and anxious to be wit her other
friends than with her boyfriend...i find myself staring at her alot in
the classroom...i wish i could catch her staring at me just for no
reason...thas wat i do...w8 ther is a reason..its cuz u fucking love
someone that you find yourself staring at them alot..and u stop your
work....and daydream about what eternity would be like being shared
with them....haay....dno wat else now....bye again

bleh..

2006-08-14T17:15:00.000+08:00

today was somewhat amazing...hehe..i was planning since idno how long to suprise geri, and i finally got to do it today...i woke up and txtd her "gdmoring baby. i love you. i hope today is extra special for u" r sumthing like that..then i went out to make her lasanga, but my mom was already doing it without me so i just put everything in the pan and put it in the oven..then i made the epic commute to get to her house..2 jeeps, a bus, and a trike..it may not sound like much but try lasting that for 2 hours..then i went to my friend's house cuz she was gna go to geri with me..then i txtd geri "i wish i could make today extra special for u" "wen u sed u love me,dts ol i nded 2mke my day" .."i know how i can make it more special"..she ddnt reply..so i called her.."u ddnt reply..blabla....i know how i can make it more special for u" "how" "do something for me" "what" "look outside...."....lalala...yay..i made her happy=) nd im too tired to blog..hehe...bye

2006-08-09T09:58:00.000+08:00

these following 2 entries were spozd to be cross posted from my multiply when i made them..but i dno wtf hapend...so anyway.....

ALMOST BEAKUP Aug 6, '06 10:23 PM
what's so wrong about thinking someone is hot? is it my fault that God made the person the way they are?its not like im gona do anything to her...jeezz....so uh...i kinda forgot what i was gona write..i think i almost broke up wit her again last night..i tokd to her mom and asked her how i cud earn her trust cuz shes not to fond of geri having a boyfriend..i ended up almost breaking up wit geri..her mom told me that i shouldnt have a relationship full of problems and that i should enjoy life cuz im still young and watever...wtf...im enjoying life wit geri..and shes enjoying it wit me...so wat if we have problems...im glad that we do..they teach us things...we learn from our mistakes....stupid ass.i made myself tear last night...haha...uh..knda hard to put my thoughts out right now for some reason..ohwell..til nxt time

DAMMIT Aug 9, '06 9:48 AM
no school today but i gota finish like 80sumn pages of homework...and what better way to use my time by wasting it away blogging.....some girls are really girls...thers girls who act like guys, girls who are just girls, and girls who are really girls...girls who are really girls will gossip about everything with no concern to the people they are saying shit about..they wil try to manipulate the people around them so that they can seem popular...when the gossip, they say that they care about the person and ther telling shit about someone because we cant tell them what the fuck to do and they're trying to protect their friends.....bullshit...putting you're friend and friend's boyfriend's relationship wioth one another in jeopardy is not how you protect your friends...sayng shit about someone to make u look like the super hero that everyone wants to hang with is not gona help you..you will fall in the end..you will stumble and be humiliated and be hated by those whom u thought were your friends..s2pid bitch....haha...sorry im just trying to let this all out.....thers some people who dont learn from their mistakes...or maybe thety just dont wana learn..they dont wana listen to the advise that people give them and they end up hurting themselves so much...life is not a fairy tale, though people do everything they can to make it seem like one...ther are some things in life that we need to accept...ther are some things in life where the concept of getting back on your feet and trying again just doesnt apply...haay..poor girl....you deserve better than those guys...mr. right will go to u..be patient..enjoy ur life...dont w8 in vain......waah..is this to much?hehe....i love geri so much...lalng...she comuted for the 1st time yesterday..and she was with me=) it was a little too much for her tho..raining..8 people in a trike..ppl sittng on people..her foot almost gettng hit by a passing car...haha...it was fun tho.....*purple room*..dont ask what that was.haha..our friends in school say they get jealous of me and geri but not the other couples...wonder why that is.....hehe..weird...wel i think this is enough for now..stil got that 80pages..haha...aloha

w8n for her..

2006-07-30T07:31:00.000+08:00

im here in the mall w8n for her cuz im gona spend the day wit her family=D she told me that she's trying to change..like shes le me go out wit girls along and not flip or whatever..but no that she gave e this..uh..privilage?...i dnt wana use it just yet...not until shes completely ok with what i do when shes not around...sooo.....m gna hang out wit the family=) hooray...this should be interesting..i hope i dnt fuck things up...its weird how when her parents found out we were together, its like they suddenly h8 me..they nevere said that they did h8 me, but it just feels like that sometimes...idno...shit i hope we dont fight today...me and geri i mean...lalala...ill write more some other time...

2006-07-26T20:11:00.000+08:00

so im spozd to write about my 1st d8...but im afraid ill ruin the moment...fuck it im already ruin it..ill put a rain check the 1st d8....its always rainng..lalng....ok so thers this new girl at school and i think thers a rumor or sumn that i like her or we have this thing...dammit, girls...shut the fuck up......why do u like spreading shit like this about people?even if they're ur friends..anyway i txtd the new girl.1 text and people have this assumption that i have a thing with her..wtf...then they go and tell my girlfriend who, who is most of the time hesitant to trust me...she seems to trust her other friends more than the person whom she says she'd die for...why would u wana die for someone u cant even trust?.....uh..uhm..w8...oya...so she told geri that i txtd the new girl and geri thought i had this thing wit her..then that was over and i got her to think otherwise.....then last sunday i was alone and was gna be alone for so long so i asked my friend (new girl. she happend to live near where i was at, at the time) to hang wit me...HANG not DATE. ..am i considered not loyal because i hang out wit my girl friends(friends that are girls)?..im not saying anything against wat u told me geri...im just asking....but its not like i was gona fuck her or anything..and now i cant even say hi to her at school without thinking that geri will h8 me the rest of the day..haay...geri told me i could go out wit girls alone r watever cuz she wanted me to be happy..but im not gona do that if i know shes gona feel and think like that...i dont even really wna tok to my friend anymore til geri changes..w8 wel i do wna tok to her, i jst dont want geri like this.....oya i think i was writing about another girl..the girl who told geri that i txtd the new girl..i think she myt put my relationship in jeapordy..dammit how do u spell it..it knda seems to me that she doesnt know what shes talkng about..cuz wen she was tokn to me bout the new girl, she basically told me to completely ignore her...to completely ignore my friend...then she was like "u just dont get it.if u were a girl you'd understand"..wtf....so wat if i dnt have boobs and a pussy...we're all made pretty much the same way......wats not to understand huh? ..jeez..so if i completely ignore my friends and become a slave without a mind of my own instead of being a boyfriend and ..blah...i need to calm down...im not even sure what they were really talking about....but it was probly about em...when was it never....i mean its always me bein the reasn tht she looks sad or whatever..ok w8...shit.....i have that dual personality thingy that i cnt spell.....dno why i wrote that....girls are so weird...they get mad at u then never tell you why..studpi...how the fuck do they expect you to fix things wit them if they just wana keep everything to themselves....or tell someone else....she doesnt wana tell me her problems anymore.....she used to..she used to ask me for help all the time....dno why not now....wat am i the boyfriend for then?........ahhhggg...someone save me..my brain is coming out onto the blog....i still need it for my homework....somebody pray that ill graduate..haha...bye

2006-07-17T17:49:00.000+08:00

i have a multiply thingy now chek it out if u want...im gna blog here then import it to the multiply thing..how fun..haha....
is it wrong that i have so many girl friends and that im sweet to all of them?since when was being sweet wrong? i thought thas wat people wanted...i think geri still doesnt accept the fact that i really am sweet and shit..she should be happy for that shudnt she?..owel....i knda like how i am...ppl seem to like it to..i think i dnt know wat m tok bout anymore..haha..i have like 20 pages of homework to do tonight...dammit...and i failed LOC last week..u know how sad that is?...thas like the easiest pace in school and i fuckn faild it...dammit...i suprised geri this morning..i wasnt planning to go to school this morning cuz of my unfinished homework, then i thot of geri and how much i wanted to see her again...i told her that i myt not be coming to school...tha was before i decided to go....so all the while she thot i wasnt gna go..then i suprised her at school...i lied to her..my god..haha..i told her id be home nd blablabla....i lie to my girlfriend just to make her happy...haha..idno if that was a gud r bad thing..but i made her happy...thas all i cared about...it wasnt a bad lie tho..though idnt even know if thers such things as gid lies..haha...uh..oya i asked her wat would she do if i suddenly appeard or telaported in front of her at school cuz she thot id stay home..and..w8..blah..dnt feel like writing it anymore..haha...somebody remind me to write about my 1st date with her..nxt time..hehe..bye..

2006-06-17T23:20:00.000+08:00

lets get organized!! haha

what im doing now:

blogging, listning to jesus of suburbia..pretty much all that m doin...

what im thinking of:

geri..as usual...and what ill do tomorrow...and how the fuck ima finish my requirements for graduation..and what ill do in college nd stuff...waahh

lalala..so much for being organized..well ws bin happn....im anti emo..school started..and thers this emo kid ther..sme ppl dont like him...hes to ppansin r watever...im in my friend's house now..the one who's mom i worked for oer the summer..i had to do more work today..dammit they better pay me...haha....i knda had to sacrifice my schoolwork for a day to be here..and i couldnt go out yesterday cuz of this..dammit..idno wat 2 say...some blog this is turning out to be...ohwell..guess ill just talk bout ger....shes out somewhere and maybe too drunk to reply to me...or maybe just sleeping.....i think im the only one who thinks my ate (cj) looks like barbie almalbis..i have alot of ates...i just got a new one today...haha...all of my ates are pretty.....wurd...anyway back to geri..wat was i saying.....dammit..ill just write it when johnny leavs..i cant type with him here...wtf..ill go now r sumn..bye

2006-06-15T18:59:00.000+08:00

for those of you who've been w8n (i doubt ther are much of u)...ill make a blog worth reading this weekend...school's a bitch.haha...

2006-06-04T17:34:00.000+08:00

i was gna blog but i have to go now..so ill do this 2m..2m z d 1st day of school....god save me....bbye

2006-05-21T19:13:00.000+08:00

ive been too busy, too lazy, and just too boring too write anything about, well anything for a while...i gota write a long enrty soon..but not now..blabla..god this is a waste...llamas rock! fuck emo! ..haha

2006-05-03T18:58:00.000+08:00

fuck is once again the word for today..its funny how a simle thing like crossing the street can bring so much pain into one's life..it can make one think about the purpose of his entire existance..this may have different meanings to people, but for me it has but one..i crossed the street ...nowim here sulking cuz i shouldve stayed on the other side...i wonder what wouldve happend to the chicken if he ddnt cross the road..i wonder what happend when he did cross cross the road...and why the fuck did that chicken cross the road? geez..the jokes people came up with back then

2006-04-29T13:05:00.000+08:00

fuck...the word for today, and almost every other day is fuck..dont u h8 it wen u delete the wrong picture?...i feel like choking myself now over a fucking picture..haha..fucky fuck fuck...dont follow my example lil kids..haha

2006-04-15T16:43:00.000+08:00

just to make things clear to the people who misunderstand everything i wrote here, im happy with geri. sure things may have seemed easier and shit before when we weren't together, but ther'd have been somethin missing. if i had never asked her to be mine, i wouldve never knew what was incomplete from me. and know that i know what i was missing, i cant let it go. i cant just take it for granted. it'd be a waste of a totally incredible relationship...yeah its incredible, no matter how fucked up my blog makes it seem...so piss of...i hope this explains something..i wanted to write a longer entry but im really tired right now..so, ciao..

2006-04-12T21:14:00.000+08:00

i hate seeing her cry.. i hate hearing her cry.. we live so fuckin far from each other that we hardly get to see each other.. and when a serious problem comes along i'd call her.. first, silence..then i say softly "geri? ...geri...geri please talk to me..." then i have to w8 a while wich sux cuz i always seem to be the one making the phone bill go so high..goin back to the topic.. she starts to talk really softly.then she sobs..w8..i think that was only like one time i think..bt anyway i jus h8 it..hearing the one u love sob like she's dying and you know it's your fault.. you cant stand the guilt of the matter and start tearing yourself..fuckd up aint it?...its all my fault tho..s2pid me..hehe

2006-04-12T20:55:00.001+08:00

shit's happend..and i did it again.. i opened up my stupid mouth and let out beehive of words that would cause a girl to stay up all night crying.. God im a fuckin idiot.. i need to learn when to keep my mouth shut.. thers something wrong with me.. its like a part of me wanted to break up with her.. that part of me didnt wana be treated the way she treats me anymore.. she ignores me.. she leaves me when there's other people around.. i forgot what the other thing was about her that i ddnt like, but anyway, i think a part of me just didnt want to be treated that way by her anymore..bsides i ddnt even think she deserved me.. and for some strange reason, i though it best to tell her that a part of me wanted to break up with her.. fucker. how could i have been so stupid.. maybe i thought that it'd be better that she'd hear it from me instead of from someone else.. i made her cry....again.. she thought i was really gona break up with her.. what kind of boyfriend am i? she certainly doesnt need another boyfriend that just makes her cry..... yet she sees something in me..i still dont really know what the fuck it is about me...but she wants me..she wants to stay with me.. she wants us to last until we're like old and cant remember what highschool we went to or where our car keys are..i kinda want that too.. i think we're alright now..i talkd to her explaining that im not breaking up with her..i hope things are patched up for now.. this sux cuz when we werent together we'd never fight and now its like we cant go a week without fighting..and we practically end each day pissing each other off or something... are these just tests or something to help strenghtn our relationship? i love her..and if im gona have to live thru these fucked up tests ill do it to be with her..ill do a million of those tests and pass them so i can make her happy.. ...i just want things to be better for both of us..

2006-04-09T19:55:00.000+08:00

oya now i know what i can write...i went skating with geri..w8 did i write this yet?..anyway.i went skating with her..me and our friend taught her how to skate...then i got to dance woth her in the middle of the rink..yehey..i wish times were like before..when we dint fight as much...we were just happy to be in the same place together and had the most fun of our lives just bein ourselves and goofin off and junk..i really hope things work out...i love her..and thats enough of a reason to try and fix things..

2006-04-09T19:54:00.000+08:00

one day i'll make a really good blog entry..something really meaningfull..just not today...*sigh*

2006-04-03T15:17:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel like the worst boyfriend..im always late..always broke..i make her cry...i got her to even hate me once...for some reason though she's still here..i spoze thats wat love is....you stay no matter what..you stay at their birthday party even if no one will talk to you and you'll be ignored and left to swim alone in one corner of the pool...you hunt in your room for spare change to commute your lazy ass over an hour to get where she is....you run as fast as you can to her even if you're athsmatic and are suffucating by the time you reach her...you do anything you them because you love them...i made her w8 again..i made her cry again(i think)...i made her mad at me again...then i made it up to her again..love is a vicious cycle.....vicious and addicting...it feels like heaven and it hurts like hell...and this blog couldnt be anymore pointless..ive bin on the pc too long..bye

2006-03-31T16:47:00.000+08:00

this is the 2nd time im saying this..no one calls my girl a bitch..and ill seriously kill you, rich, next time you call her that....im sori geri bout the other day..it was pretty messed up..i ddnt think id see you in the 1st place..it was kinda a last minute thing....hold on..i dnt really know what im blogging for..bogs are where we let out shit that builds up inside..this is more of a letter to somone who i love like hell...but anyway...im jus sori..im not mad anymore....if people started appriciating things more, tha world would be such a better place..like just seeing your face makes my life fulfilling..uh..m too tired to type or think anymore..ill come back some other time..bye

2006-03-29T19:39:00.000+08:00

well...i went to school even tho its summer vacation..mostly cuz i was bored..i needed to get sumn ther..on the way ther geri textd and told me she was home alone and she was like "why dnt u come over" n stuff...she was kiddn..but i actually did go..anyway ill skip stuff...i had no way to go ther cuz i ddnt know how to commute ther..so i made my classmate bring me ther..but its kinda out of his way..but he did it any way..but on the way my clasm8 was like gettn mad cuz it was really out of his way n shit...and..well..imagine that ur mom is w8n for u to pick you up and your asshole friend is begging u to take him to his girlfriend's house that u dnt even know wer it it is and u dnt even have a pemanent licinse yet and you dno how long shit's gna take and all that junk...well thas probly wat he felt....then wen we get ther, i get off, say hi, she gets in the car, we buy sumn, go back to the spot wer we picked her up, i get off wit her n walk like a couple meters from the car then practically only look at her for the next 5 minutes till its time for us to go..i h8 time...i wish it'd stand still..i got kinda mad at her cuz i only spent that long with her and we ddnt even do anything...im kinda fucked up right now as u can tell....i talked to myself (yes. i actually talk to myself) and i asked "is it really necesary to get mad..is it really necesary to be pissed at her forever?" ..well its not right? ....im should stop complaining so much..i told her a wile ago that it made me so glad to have seen her today even if it was such a short time and it was kinda messed up...i wasnt really exoecting much anyway wen i was thinking of goin ther..and thats how it should be right? dont expect..just give people wat they want to expect....i dont expect her to love me each day or to agree with everythin i believe..but she does love me everyday...and i love her everyday..its like im blessed r sumn by it...i ges....am i making any sense...???? i need to work out my thoughts more clearly next time im blog...haha...bye

2006-03-27T20:28:00.000+08:00

why the fuck duz it seem like evrything i say now ends up hurting someone..i never mean to hurt anyone..well most of the time at least...maybe i should just shut up...like ill never talk again..then i cant hurt anyone by saying somethin s2pid...

2006-03-22T10:58:00.000+08:00

shAron stone has this strange habit of looking older or younger than she actually is...shes as old as my mother..goddammit..but she looked great om basic instinct 2..sharon stone that is...haha....im not sure why i wrote that...not sure why im blogging right now eithr...my sister's graduation is today..im w8n for my dad so we can leave for school....and i forgot what i was gona say..haha.typical me..bye....for now

2006-03-21T19:53:00.000+08:00

for the past hour or so ive been tellin the people who asked me about my day that i walked with geri to our classm8's house out in the blazing sun...and she was complaining practically the whole way...sure it was a pain in the neck.but it was fun as hell..for us tho it may seem like just a small thing..and it kinda was..but we wer together..jus the two of us..two lovers in the heat of the boiling sun treking to somewhere that we leave 2 minutes after we get ther because everyone in the house is finished watching white chicks and wants to get back to school and..w8 thers no more and..uh..i spent most of the day with her...we played hangman and i proved to her that i do know her..she wrote the blanks and i guessed the answer without saying even one letter..hehe...cool...i dont feel like writing now..and for once..my brain is not fried

2006-03-17T21:37:00.001+08:00

law of intimacy and commitment:

the amount of intimacy is directly proportional to the amount of commitment within a relationship...

cool...learned that today...me and my friend figured that out..i asked him what's the diff between being in a relationship and jus bein friend..now i know..today was the last day of school..but not the last official day..im goin back monday and tuesday to take a couple tests and practice singing for the graduation..i think..sux that people move on..like move away..i h8 separations..geri told me she might not be going to my school anymore next year...if not, then what the fuck is my reason for goin to school anymore..i was depressed for like half the day cuz of that..she also told me that she might move to the states...before we had this problem about me goin away to the states for college and that we'd fuckin miss each other n stuff...oh w8..that wasnt the problem..she told me she only found out bout me goin to the states for the summer recently and she was crying n stuff about it and she said i was acting like it was nothin..well it means sumn to me hon, though you already know that now..of corse i'll miss you wen i go for the summer..i want u want is for me to show that i care about it by crying then i'll do it..for you.....hehe...anyway..she said she might be goin to the states and the prob now was like it feels like shes the one that duznt seem to care about it...if she's ther and if wer still together wen im done wit collge, im moving to where she is..i cant stand bein away from her..i dont wana be separated by that big a distance..i want her...she says she wants me..i promised her that i'd do everything i can for this relationship to work out..she wants it to last till we get married..and im all for it as well........i ges i jus dont know what i'd do without her...........anyway..about the last day of classes...i was left at school while alot of the rest of the kids wer on a field trip..i ddnt make it to the honor roll kc....this duznt have anything to do with the topic, but if anyone is reading can you tell me how to change the colors anf font in the blog cuz i forgot for some strange reason...anyway.....what was i saying..oya..dnt make it to the honor roll..i wrote a note to myself to do better next year...i think im graduating..yeah i probobly am..uh..shit i wrote alot...uh...duh...bleh...whe....dammit..my brain needs a rest....gbye

2006-03-16T20:10:00.000+08:00

i meant to stay on the computer for like 5 minutes but now im sucked into this paradox of the world wide web and have no intent to relieve myself of this enslavement and return to an abnormaly normal life...good lord that was cool..i have this habit now of annoying my friend who calls me her best friend by thinking up the most pervertedly perverted things to think up that a pervert would do and do it to her..liek i see her sitting and she's not even doing anything then i look at her then give her this look then she gets so annoyed..haha..dno if this is making any sense..i ddnt describe it very well...why the hell am i saying all this?....i think i need to take some depressants or something so i'll calm down...buhbye

2006-03-08T19:26:00.000+08:00

i think shes mad at me...i was sitting with her then she had to leave...then my "ex" walked over to me..then geri walked back for some reason..probly cuz she saw luiza walk over to my direction..or she was gna say i love you one last time...well somin made her walk back...now i kinda wish she didnt..so she wouldnt have had to see lu..she gets jealous easy....geri, i jus want you to know (again=|..) that i love you...and only you..no one is replacing you..luiza is past now..you're my present..and hopefully my future....im not saying to stop bein jealous..at least i know u love me enough to be jealous...im sayin to trust me..jus know that i love you..iflou remember?....uh..idno wat else to say about this..i jus hope ur not mad at me hon..i still wana call YOU hon...okie?

2006-03-08T19:21:00.000+08:00

hi..you suck..

2006-02-26T18:34:00.000+08:00

ahh...the blog..a place where i can throw up my bottled rage and emotion..almost comparitive to sex without the physical activity...

be mine today
im your's forever
and come what may
we'll have each other

i found that scribbled in the tower at the mall...yeah, my mall has a tower....i was ther last night looking at the grafitti in the tower..it looked like somin theyd put in an emo video..or a green day vid...tz cool...oya on one part of the tower ther was a list for the people hu had sex ther...haha..fucked up.i know..

no matter what a woman does to you, you cant treat her like shit. theres no exceptions on treating a woman..you need to respect them no matter how cruel and unfair they've been or no matter how contrary to your priciples they can be..its just not right to give them less respect than they deserve..uh..my mind is semi fried so i cant exactly put this all out here yet..i will...sumtime...after i sleep or watever

2006-02-14T21:11:00.000+08:00

merry valentines day! im not as messed up anymore as in my last entry...i sorta worked things out wit her i guess...well kinda..i dont know what was up with me.its her choice who she wants to hang out wit and i jus gota respect dat.i think i wrote this already..oh and bubbles, in not buddafuck..its not spelled that way...haha..love you.....geri cried this morning..and it wasnt my fault this time. i think it was cuz of padua..geri has this huge fear of bugs.particularly beetles...and butterlfies..yes.i said BUTTERFLIES..so if u wana scare her then you know how.dont try it tho or ima beat the shit outa you......her ex called her up at 2 in the morning on sunday and he was like "babe, i miss you. come back to me" and shit.. then he told her to take her clothes off..fucker..she told me bout it wen i woke up and she gave me his number..i really wanted to beat him up.not only because he was saying shit to my girl, but cuz i really wana hit someone and it'll have been the perfect excuse to do so..haha...well i texted him and started tellin him off and somone answerd and said"dude, you dont know what your talking about. derrick(the ex) is a nice guy. he jus got uber drunk and stoned"..i dont give a fuck if you stoned or not bitch..u mess wit ma girl, you mess wit the devil...the dude was sori and i made him apologize to geri for what he said...i still think it wouldve been more fun to bitch slap him outa his dumbass head...haha...aloha

2006-01-31T20:25:00.000+08:00

thers a place called Phuket...r sumn like that..haha..cool...wla lang

2006-01-31T18:12:00.000+08:00

hmm...whats bin up wit me..bin a while since i last blogged..uhh..im engaged now..haha...cool..wut else...hm.....i think my girlfriend might be hanging around he best friend too much..she gets to talk to her more than she talks to me..i dont know exactly what im complaining about..but the people talked to about it said like its was sad dat im like this..im the damn boyfriend for crying outloud..why doesnt she just make her best friend her girlfriend?..,she speds more time with her anyway..and talks to her more..and theres like no privacy between me n her..everything that we know, her best friend knows...if you see anything wrong with that tell me....im not sure wether r not i shud be mad at her tho..i mean the best friend is my friend too..shes a little sister to me..but is it really fair that she gets to spend more time with her?..fuck...i need to calm down

2006-01-16T19:14:00.000+08:00

its my birthday..yehey..one year closer to death..if i hadnt known that today was the 16th id have forgoten that its been 16 years since i came outa my moms...since i came out of her..wats the point of birthdays..its like jus ther to remind you that you have to act a year more mature or that you have to think more of whats comin ahead...shit why the hell am i being so pesimistshit about this..im too bummed to blog..maybe cuz of all the donuts...bye..happy bday to da bunny

2006-01-09T17:12:00.000+08:00

well wat happnd today...ddnt get to hang around wit geri much today...her best friend came back from the states so maybe that was part of the reason..also maybe cuz wer not in the same class..my "big sister" to school today..i got a really small pig from kat today..all the stuff im starting to write is pointless now...hmm..what could i write about..shit...i feel kinda messed up like for no reason..i told raisa i was pissed and she's like "why?" and i said "cuz i feel like being pissed"..she was lonely today and was clingging on to me most of the day cuz hoon isnt there cuz he graduated already..poor her..i love dat girl..haha...so fun to be around..n fun to annoy...geris fun to be around too...n shes friggin cute..like she ddnt know wat viagra was so she said to her brother "kuya, wats viagra?" "huh?..uh..go ask mama" "mama, wats viagra?" "it's for men, dear.....hey!! wer did u get that?! that's bad!! dont ask that again!"..she ddnt bother to ask her dad after dat..she was afraid of wat he myt say or do..haha....i bet she'll kill me for writting that...why am i writting that anyway..dammit im bummed...im gna go do my homework..

2006-01-07T18:44:00.000+08:00

happy new year..i entered 2006 single...now im commited....kinda fucked up wen u think about it too hard..i guess it'll be worth it tho...i went to alabang cuz hannah wanted to go to yof but then at the last minute the bitch changed her mind..dammit..so now im stuck in palms wearing a pcst shirt..marvin told me to wear something that represents our school at yof...our school was known as the kick-out school in alabang cuz all the kick-outs ended up there...i remeber the uniforms before..the girl's look like they wrapped tablecloths around their legs and pretended that they were skirts.. and the boys looked like security guards of the blue onion with their blue barongs....the colors ddnt match the school...there was supposed to be one shade of blue..like the blue in the pin..the barongs werein all the shades of blue imaginable..and the girls..where did the red come from?..zat spozd to like represent the blood and tears of the past victims..er...students of pcst? i heard that the 6inch rule was started by gerard and dada..cuz they kept huggng..or maybe anna moncupa was got tryin to get it on with one of the teachers while she was high on sumn..w8..das mean...haha..maybe gerard was jus being yabang agian...probly was..isnt it weird that gerard's "yabangness" sorta passed on to jose when ger graduated?..or maybe we jus ddnt notice jose so much cuz gerard was hogging the spotlight cuz he was so fat..or jose was too busy flirting....hmm..what else to blog about...i was in tagaytay (i pronounce it correctly so fuck off) yesterday for most of the day..i went to leslie's and i swear i saw sam and rae pinto there but then i asked sam and she said she'd bin at school the whole day...maybe she has clones..dat'd be cool..we could clone like all the hot people so ther'd be enough to go 'round..haha:) ..i daydream too much..i stare at my homework for hours and imagine that i have the power to finish is in 2 seconds wit a swish of my hand..then i wonder why i neer get my homework done..isnt it fucked up that people wonder why some things happen the way they do..like not gettn their homework done...but the answer is right in front of them...they keep searching for a different answer to satisfy them..they want something that fi....what am i saying..i need to stop befor i get carried away and not know what the hell im talking about anymore

2005-12-29T20:27:00.000+08:00

what the fuck..someone save me from this flipped out quantum of my despondent and confounded continuance..life is so confusing...yall shud know that by now..if u dont then who the fuck are you?..u aint human..im trying to do my homework now..why do we get homework on vacation?..its not vacation anymore..its just another weekend...uh..murrie kissmush..happi nu yea....i want a phone..fuck it im wasting my brain here..i need it for my homework..adios

2005-12-21T18:43:00.000+08:00

if 2005 were a woman, id bitch slap her...if it were anything else, id kill it...its been a pretty fucked up year...lotza shit happenn...almost died..i found a love life...i fucked up a love life...found someone great=) met great people...so not all of the year was fucked..but its still the most fucked up year... i forgot what else i was gona say...puta..mirrie keesmus

2005-12-07T19:12:00.000+08:00

bobby died...i miss him...im naming the next cat i get bibi...like bobi....bobo sounds stupid..got to look at him one last time befor the workers took him away..he lookd so peacefull...good for him..he ws in so much pain....:( i mis himm..said dat already........i got to be coach today..i tortured geri=) she wanted to work out so i made her work out...5 laps around the gym, 50 pushups, 100 situps, and 30sumn of these thinsgs you do for ur abs dat i cant explain and i dno wat its called...it wasnt dat much..she kept talking so it took us a wile to finish..uh..so....i was gna say wat happnd to her at the pool but she wudve killed me if i wrote it.....ive been finishing my work in school lately for some reason....yesterday my teacher came to my office and asked why ive been finishing my work and i was like, "why? is it wrong? do you want me to stop?"...then she hit me on my head......then today she saw that i had 2 pictures of raisa in my office then shes like" why is there pictures of raisa in you're office?..what's goin on stephen?..how come hoon duznt havve pictures of raisa and you do?"......i dono why im saying all this...bleh.....hmmmmm...now wat...ill complain to myself...not in here tho..adios

2005-12-02T20:38:00.000+08:00

i remember wat i was gna say...i took bobby to the vet...vet said the'll see how he is in 2 days...bobby's got nerve damage and it could pass up thru his body if he duznt get better..then no more bobby=( ..and he needs to eat but hes in too much pain..anyways jus thot someone out thur myt have wantd to know..i doubt it tho

2005-12-02T20:21:00.000+08:00

i changed my template...why was it black anyway?...so depressing....the 1st 6 letters of the keyboard spell out QWERTY..haha..raisa's blog is so fuckn cute..just like her..go ther> raiscake.blogspot ..i ddnt ask her i fi cud put it so bubbles, if ur readin this, dont get mad at me..uh...grrr..too bad i cant make my blog as funny as hers..i probly could but i have to much shit to spit onto here to say anything worth giving a chuckle about..*chuckle chuckle*..too bummed out to continue typing..ima take a shower now

for bobby

2005-12-01T18:56:00.000+08:00

my cat got run over yesterday..hes still alive tho..i think..havnt seen him the whole day...last night he was like in alot of pain..he couldnt use his hind legs and he had a hard time breathing..this probly sounds stupid...i got no one to say ths to so im sayin this here..i need to work harder in school..uh..yeah..das all for now..shit my mind is melted

2005-11-23T18:23:00.000+08:00

blah blah..blog blog..i ddnt get much done in school...pretty fucked up day..its always fucked up in my school tho..i think i think to much..das probly why ihardly get anything done..i think to much about sumn instead of doin it..im an uncle..wla lang

2005-11-22T19:14:00.000+08:00

wat happnd today..i felt sorta like a dad...dont really feel lyk explaining how..it just involved a puppy..at least one person knows what im talking about....why is life so long..why do we have change..i hate change..why do people move on...why if love so complicated..why do we have to look for perfection..why weren't we jus born with it...why am i writting this

2005-11-18T18:53:00.000+08:00

well today was messed..i lookd like shit the whole day..my teacher caught me writing a note to this girl..then she made me talk to the girl..the note was like sayin that she duznt appreciate anythin i do..dammit..i cant xplain it properly ryt now..blah..

2005-11-17T19:51:00.001+08:00

chek this out..

video provided by pen

2005-11-13T18:46:00.000+08:00

havent written a decent blog here in a while..ive bee..uh..confused l8ly...tierd of life..nothing different..itz typicall of me to be tired of life..i dont know where im headed..m knda more worried about were my friends are headed more than wer im headed in life...this blog sux so far..uh..demmit..now what...les see.......i was at conventtion the other week..remember when i started this blog i wrote that i gave my essay writing event to this other guy so he could go to ocnvention?the kid got 4th place...he placed dammit..that shudve been mine..whyd i have to be so nice...ahhgghhh...anyway that's my event nxt year...itz not a total loss...i got 3 1st place medals..7 medals total...blahblah..i felt alone today..i was spozed to go out n watch a movie wit kat but her relatives dont like me...actually she said her tita ddnt allow her and she said her tita and lola wer both criticizing me..they dnt lyk me..they think i lyk kat or sumn..mb cuz m the only guy that hangs wit her at church or whatever...i dont see that as a reason for them not to lyk me..im nice..i think.....thers a girl at school whos bin getn on my nerves l8ly..she judges people before knowin them..sayz stuff to her friends dat aint tru...gets into eveyones business..dumps her friends cuz of one thing she duznt lyk about them..n frikin imature...i wish love..and life werent such backstabbin bitches..i told that to someone..that same someone imagined me in a coffin..weird..
uh..das all..

2005-11-11T21:36:00.000+08:00

i know this story..i put it here but i dont remember exactly how it goes so bear wit me...

this guy was out fixin his car engine when he heard a scratching noise coming from the side of the car. he went to see what was happenin only to find his 5-year-old son scratching out things in the side of the car. out of his rage and without thinking, the dad took the wrench he was holding and whacked the kid in the hand. when he had realized what he had done he saw that he had cut open his son's hand and his fingers were bleeding lyk hell. in the hospital later that day, the son asked his dad, "daddy, will i ever be able to use my fingers again?" he couldnt answer. he just broke down and sobbed. then he ran out to his car to get some fresh air..and saw the scratches on the car spelling out I LOVE YOU DADDY

2005-11-10T17:07:00.000+08:00

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond our measure. it is our light, not out darkness that most frightens us. your playing small does not serve the world. there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we were all meant to shine, as children do. it's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. and as we let out own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

2005-11-08T18:06:00.000+08:00

i still think this was crap..this is how bord i get in class..annyyyway

take me to a place where love can breed
away from chaos and misery
take me farther than i've ever been
a place found perhaps from within
a place where our hearts will bond
a place of which i shall grow fond
a word of transgress i leave behind
to a place where thou is mine
a place that we can call our own
for where your heart is...it is my home

so now wat..

pissed off...

2005-10-20T19:28:00.000+08:00

you have now idea how pissed off one can be...things go from bad to worse..and pressure piles up on me...hey that rhymed....im jus pissed..so much so that i cant write anymore..ill elaborate on it when im not feeln so down..

2005-10-18T20:14:00.000+08:00

god look how fuckin bored and lazy i am..i got nothin to post sept this.

A blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when it ejaculates, but only 10% of that actually makes it into his mate. So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean every time one unloads. You wonder why the ocean is so salty . . . Don't swallow the water!

sori to those whose minds i have ruined...

2005-10-14T19:44:00.000+08:00

because i will write and i cant write with someone looking over me.....-thas wat i jus said to my sis...m kinda pissed..i ddnt make it to the honor roll..i need to work harder..i dont have much to say..m too tired to say anythin...bye

2005-10-11T15:41:00.000+08:00

i didnt go to shcool today..my excuse was that my grandparents came from the states and i wanted to hang out wit them cuz i see them lyk once a year wen it really was i ddnt do my homework and school is fucked up..my grandparents really came tho..anyway..sometimes i feel lyk my only reason for goin to school is to see a certain someone..someone who means soooo much to me..someone who i mean soooo much to ..probly the sweetest person iv met...someone i love....she (now you know its a girl) gave me a bracelet yesterday and this note..the note was like the nicest..no IS the nicest note anyone's ever given me...m too lazy to go into details about that..i told her last night that id stay wit her the whole day that we'd be out at the same time at school cuz she ws feelin bad..but i ddnt go...demmit......i dont know anyone who ever loved me as much..sometimes i wonder if she's even human...like i'd wonder if she's an angel sent by God to teach me something...but i know shes human..cuz i saw her cry...i made her cry....and i still h8 me for that...now wen she crys cuz of me its a gud cry.i think...i hope she doesnt kill me for wrting this....i wonder if id ever find anyone who can give as much love as this girl gives to me...any mortal person i mean......shez one of the best thing to happen to me in this fucked up year.........she wants me to be something tho but i dont want to yet..m knda sad that i keep tellin myself'no..not yet...your not ready"...i hope im doing the right thing..i just dint think that rushing into this is worth ruining a beautiful relatonship like ours...i sang to her "i want to grow old with you"..if i really wanted to, then time wouldnt matter in that issue..it wouldnt matter how long it would take for me to become what she wants me to be if both of us would wana spent enernity with each othr..i hope you get what i mean...i wonder why the hell im writing this..this is what no school and a heavy breakfast does to you..m gna do pacework..bye

2005-10-06T19:18:00.000+08:00

dont you jus h8 it when people judge other people befor they get to know the person..or they think of a person in a certain way just because of what they heard about someone..i h8 that..i h8 it wen people say shit about my friends..im arguing a couple ppl now cuz of my friend..ther sayn shit about her thas not tru..and shes hurt.....i cant stand seeing her hurt..i really really care about this person....shit .wat am i trying to say...w8 ill start over...people are hurting the girl that i love..i cant stand that shit so im fighting for her...there..i think das wat i meant....if anyone says shit about my friends, esspecially if my friend is really close to me, ima fight for them..ill take their pain and throw it back at the people who gave it...i hope im getn the point across...dont mess wit my friends...this entry seems incomplete...oranginschnitzzen

2005-10-05T20:45:00.000+08:00

today was one of the most depressing days iv gone through..i slept like at 2 r 3 this morning and the at the same time the night before so i had bad reflexes n junk..then i ddnt finish my homework last night..i looked pissed wen i got to school..i was frikin lonely last night thinking of someone and i thought of her mostly thruout the day... i lost my lunch, which didnt make my day go any better, but i found it again l8r..i slept most of the day in school so the teacher made me run around the school within 30 seconds or she said id have to do it again til i made it in 30 sec.s ...i had too many tests today..my self-esteem is plummeting out of my control for some reason.....thank you to those who wanted to se me happy..thank you to those who helpd my day go by easy...thank you to those who blurt out shit and slip and who love me more than they think they love themselves...another thing das depressing is that im not sure anymore what it is that made me feel so depressed..hey this blog thing is a good stress reliever....wutevah

2005-10-03T23:36:00.000+08:00

Tonight I can write

Tonight I can write the saddest lines

Write, for example, “The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance”

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings

Tonight I can write the saddest lines
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too
How could one not have loved her great still eyes

Tonight I can write the saddest lines
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture

What does it matter that my love could not keep her
The night is shattered and she is not with me

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her

if your wondering, i didnt write this. i wish i did though...i had fun last saturday..talking nonsense to someone. they talking nonsense back to me..if you were inside my head you'd understand. i can't completely explain everything cuz sumn is buggin me..ill write it all nxt time....and now a line for the famous ISC

Boris!! HE say he is FETISH sex GODESS!!!!

wutevah..

2005-09-28T19:58:00.000+08:00

that was stupid...

2005-09-28T19:46:00.000+08:00

confused
lost
missundahzztud
thers chances calling out to me
i dont know if i should
take a chance
let go
be free
make myself into an example
for someone to follow me
doing shit for people
cuz thas what they want
there voices ringng in my head
my dreams they haunt
what the hell am i sayin
its all pointless junk
why did i get onlyn and write this
i dont know what i thunk

2005-09-25T17:41:00.000+08:00

i dont know where my life is leading to anymore...w8..i dont think i ever know wer it was leading to....what if all that we believe our whole mind, soul, body, etc. isnt real?...lyk we think somin and have a firm belive in it and find out it was just pointless to belive in it in the 1st place cuz all we wer beliven in was basically a bedtime story...whats up with love..i h8 it cuz it h8s me...itz lyk the mst difficult and challenging thig God ever created..what's the point of it...i dont think i know what im saying anymore....i dont think i know what im living anymore..i thot i was livin this happy carefree life..now all this complic8d bullshit comes in and i dont know how to deal wit all of it..i wna turn back the fuckin hands of time and hit myself in the head for all the s2pid hings ive done..for all the lies i belived in...for all the people who i allwd to hurt me...for the times i shudv gotn back at people to hurt them..this is startin to sound lyk a poem now..for all the times i shouldv done somthin but didnt and now terribly forget..err...regret not doing.....hit myself for stayn alive....hit myself for dying to me..dying to you...dying to the world....resurrect and start over again..start this vicious cycle of a cruel life...a cruel existance....thank you to those who keep me alive..thatnk you to those who i stay alive for..thank you for those who i love but they dont love me back.....thank you for those who do...who do love me.......this is probly my most fucked up entry...i dont even understand what the hell i just wrote.....i hope it means sumn.....sumn to me....sumn to those who read it........egnaro

2005-09-22T18:57:00.000+08:00

i wrote this in school..dont remember when tho..i was bord..for thos of u who arent bitchin at me, you know who this is for..for those of u who are bitchin at me, u hav an idea.....things hav changed tho since i wrote it so it duznt mean as much as when i wrote it..

does it matter anymore that i still don't know why
why did i ever say i love you
what did i see
what did you see in this lonely forgotter soul
what do you see that i cannot
what made me fall for you
what made me give myself
...it doesn't matter
-i'm your's-

wutz the deal wit girls..they over assume shit..lyk today this girl(i mentioned her in the entry titled"dammit") kept sayn"what aren't you telling me"..she,along wit this other girl, think dat im together wit sum1..they ask me and i jus tell them the truth-that im not togethr with anyone..and they dont belive me..why the fuck did they ask then if they dont wana belive wat i gota say...dammit.i dont feel lyk wirting anymre..i need to let my head cool off...ORANGINSCHNITZZIN

2005-09-20T19:38:00.000+08:00

iv been too lazy to write any more blogs lately...les see......gerimander....i hurt someone..then made them not hurt anymore..then i think i went thru that cycle again today...that person is..uhh...special to me...i dont think any mortal thas not rel8d to me has ever loved me this much and i givn my love in return...my god this is cheezy....i have a headache..im flooded wit schoolwork...why is it that like no matter how hard i try to do sumn, i end up not finishing it..i see other kids finishing their work and they seem to be doin it like as if it wer kids work...dammit..im not sleepin tonight..ima be up feedin useless shit into my brain so i can be accepted as a "good" student to my teachers..why am i trying to please them and not myself...arnt i spozd to liv life how i wana...watever......what exactly is a kiss..it can mean so much...it can greet..bid fair well..be given..stolen...why wer we givn this gift..is it really a gift tho?....why wer we givn this thing that i cannot describe..this thing to be given at will...like a punch in the stomach..wat the hell am i saying....i need a break from reality..ill blog again wen i come back...oya y's it called a blog..what's the "B" satnd for..why not "clog"..computer log..or e-log.....ah nevr mind..i need to get out...

2005-09-13T19:29:00.000+08:00

i jus realized dat i ddnt have to put a title..saves me alot of time thinking of one.......my life is a complica8d love story..its lyk the romantic book thas so fucked up that u wonder why your picked it up in the 1st place..someone loves me..seems lyk she loves me alot..shez sad cuz i aint givn back as much to her as she gives to me....i do love her tho..she says its just friendly love tho...maybe it is....i got alot of shit goin on in my head..i went thu this once befor and i ddnt relly know how do go about it..i still dont know how...maybe im scared of something..lyk the thought of hurting her if we got together..das y i dont wana do go ahead and do anythin...or maybe im jus being selfish...yah thas plrobly it....i think to much of how im gona feel...im spozd to think of wat she wants ryt?..thas how its spozd to work ryt?....idno anymore..sum1 help me...i still dont want a steady rel8nship yet..with anyone....sumn inside me tells me not yet...idno wen but jus not now..i dont evn know y but jus not now...u can love someone alot but not hav a rel8nship ryt.......dammit..i dont know how exactly to put all this.......ill write this another time..when my mind isnt fryd..this blog sux..

untitled

2005-09-11T19:19:00.000+08:00

do this> http://lyleanderson.friendtest.com/ ...i scored a 90 on my own quiz...sad..itz 9/11 2day..evryone knows what hapend ryt...oya its jamie's bday today..my aunt was in the 1st tower on 9/11..she got out..uhm....gr8..i dont hav anything to write now..ryt now...nothing interesting in my life..nothing interesting in my world...just me and my sad self..and the few who love me...i wana build up my own real world..real as in its not just in my mind anymore...i told someone and she said she'd want to be a part of that world..im not telln who tho..*nyanya*....why is it that we say things that we wana do and most of the time we end up not doing it..maybe its just me but lyk in school or when i do my homework, i tell myself im gona finish my work but i end up not doing it and doing something else...other kids can do ther work....but then they're lyk freakazoids...no offence honey..u know i love you...oya my honey was in a miniskirt at church today...frucking weird..ill have to get used to that....my pastor talks lyk doctor evil and the head pastor of gcf talks lyk austin powers...maybe one of the pastors sounds lyk goldmember...or one of their wives sound like Lattah Fagina...hahathis guy came and spoke at are church..hes lyk fromIindia or somethin..jose said he sounds lyk sean conery..i dno how to spell it..when you watch the speaker it's lyk watchin a movie for some reason...pastor narry lookd lyk a lil girl standing nx to the speaker..dnt tell him i sed dat...he had his hair in a ponytail ane the speaker was lyk 6foot 20 r sumn and p.narry is shot so..yah knw...anyway.....hmmm..i was spozd to get a basketball uniform even if i wasnt gona play..my number was gna b 1&1/2 but i made it 00 cuz 1&1/2 lukd dumb but then maam said i cant get 1..i wonder y....im paying for it........maam is mad at me...cuz im an irresponsible fool..im a worthless shit to her with no hope of doing any better in school or out of school...she assumes her beliefs based on the lies and assumtions of others..whether they be above me in authority, or on my level because she thinks she cant trust me because she believes that shes smart and im not.shes right and im wrong..shes big and im little(not physically).shez her and im not....why the fuck am i writing this..its like a waste of time that couldve been spent doing a productive activity like a pace or drawing a cow...wusup wit me and cows...and orange...diba mikel?>:D why does love have to be so complic8d..this is so off the topic but it jus popped in2 my head..hehe..someone just dropd their drink on their laptop behind me...poor laptop....i gota find shit to wear to cebu..im still the same pen.always cutting corners to fit my own way of life..oro said that cutting corners only makes more corners and i was all lyk"woahh..yeah...dude"..wutevr..he also said that the purpose of war was not to die for your country..but to make the enemy die for his..then i was all lyk"woahh and..."...u know...shit..i need to find sumn better to do than to tell people of the fucking stupid things that i just blurt out when im too bummed out to do shit...aloha

dammit

2005-09-07T19:37:00.000+08:00

i forgot what i came here to write about...uh les see....track practice was hell.as always....oya now i remeber...fuck u ate..u know who u are...no1 lyks being dumped as a friend.especially a best friend..and this isnt JP's fault..wel maybe some of it is..but its mainly yours because u allowd your self to change in this way..people talk about u..your friends from before..since a long time ago they noticed you've been changing..they thought it was cuz of him..i ddnt really think dat was d reason..sumn else..sumn deeper...sumn in your heart.....you said wer lyk this cuz people change....yah we did change but that duznt fuckin imply that we jus throw away what we have that we, or rather i held on so dearly too...you dont just throw away a perfectly good relationship jus lyk that...what the hell went wrong ate...you're realy a bitch now.....and its so sad cuz i see you and feel so far away from you now..i know itz the same thing with you.....and i remember all those pointless times we spent togethr...u wer eally my best friend...shit thas so gay..but its the truth..i ddnt wana giv u up for any1..not even luiza..and yes....me and her did hav a thing togethr but that was after all those thimes you wer annoyng me and asking me about it..see..i wasnt lying wen i sed NOTHING was goin on...u still dont belive me....oya and now im replaced by mikel and a swarm of others and its so hard to be h8n the cuz alot of them are my friends..esspecially mikel......anyways i love you sis..i love you to death..i jus wish things cud go bak to the way they wer.....das all...i ges

welcome to my life

2005-09-05T19:40:00.000+08:00

uhm..i was supposed to write an essay for NSC..w8..i did writ 1 for NSC.. the thing is this guy from my school wanted to do essay too..we both submitted in our essays to Sir and he reviewd them...of corse, he chose the betr one-mine*ehem...essay writing was the other guy's only event so if mine went he wudnt have gone to Cebu..Sir asked me if i wud be willing to give up my essay writing so the other guy could go..guess what happend.....well the guy told me he'd buy me lunch the whole week at NSC..thas not y i gave it up..i wudv givn it up wthout the free lunch..i hope he duznt read this..well he gave me his word and the lunch is mine...mwahaha...im still wondering if i did the right thing..i think its pretty s2pid but then wutr friends for if not to bed over backwards for other friends...and plus i get free lunch...how can I refuse that:)...my principle is mad at me..im trying to redeem myself by showing her the performace of a soldier...its so fucked up..they expect so much from us..maa also has this habit of using evrything she knows about me against me..lyk that time with that girl in the bathroom when seriously NOTHING happend, she knew that me and her had this thing so she used it against me...and she believed the guard when he sed i was hugging the girl whith her clothes of..fuck-ass guard..my fingers ddnt evn touch her..i was 10 fucking feet away ya shit guard...now you in maintenance and in my eyes it looks lyk u wer brought down a level....degraded cuz your a lying, delirious son of a bitch..i know i spelld deleriowatever wrong..no, im not mad.............ok..maybe im a lil ticked off...2005 jus hasnt bin the best year for me..it started off when i almost died..i was in a car crash new years morining...maybe thats what shook shit up..haha...then i got involed w sum1 but had a pretty fucked up time cuz they was with sum1..my school work is doin pretty bad.oya i finished my work today so im trying to enjoy no homework and the praise of my supervisor..wut else hapnd this year..basta..alot's hapnd....the ACE people at ISC are prejeduce..i think thas speld wrong too...the Philippines keeps beatin their asses at oral argument...the event is now cancelled...people are sayin its cuz of us..haha....the judges are pregiduse too..specially the physical fittness judge mother fuckers...wutevah...i burned a letter last friday at school..it was from my dad..he gave it to me during ISC cuz had a pretty fucked up time for my event..it was spozd to encourage me and he was lyk"im here fo u".n stuff...i wonder y i burned it.....man im messed up..for those who know me, do u think im anti-Christ?....well im not..im jus a fucked up pastor's kid who does the things he wants to when he wants to..das a fun way to live..and a s2pid way..but das how i live alot of my life..das how u live without a girlfriend....m too bumd to write anymore........aloha

for somebody....

2005-09-02T19:59:00.000+08:00

"should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you
should've said something but I've said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste some time with you"